The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
