Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
