nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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