you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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