Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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