Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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