11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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