I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
