I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
