Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
