I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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