Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
