somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
