now i know why i became what i already was.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
