Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
