Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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