whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
