i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I need to align my fucking chakras
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
