Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
