i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
