I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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