3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I met the friendliest cop last night
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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