My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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