Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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