I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
