Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
