Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
