Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
