I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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