Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
