I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
