I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
