I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
