I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
