she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
