Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
