What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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