so that wasnt chicken after all
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
