I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
