Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
His nipple licking is glorious
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