Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
