Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
