Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
