He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
MIDGETS
????
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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