She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
