You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
