You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
