so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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