fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
