I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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